Dinner with Watanuki
by Broken-and-fallen
Summary: Doumeki comes for dinner, Watanuki is not amused. Hidden agendas abound! Hinted Doumeki/Watanuki. Fluff. One shot.


The situation really hadn't any right to get any more awkward than it already was, but sure enough once the initial silence had led to Doumeki sitting at a table just outside of the kitchen Watanuki was pottering around in an even heavier silence had fallen.

"Yuuko-san and Himawari-chan should be here soon." Watanuki fisted a tea towel in his hands, staring at the clock. "They must be caught up."

"Hn." Doumeki said, flipping a page on the magazine.

"I better start cooking now, or it will get too late. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO EAT EARLY," He added, as Doumeki looked up expectantly. "SO BACK OFF."

"Hn." Doumeki said again, this time more disappointed, looking back at the magazine.

Watanuki huffed, setting out the chopping board and pulling out the sharpest knife he could find just in case The Big Idiot happened to look in the kitchen at any one time and he could look especially threatening. Eventually the novelty wore off and he became immersed in his work, slicing vegetables and stringing up the lamb for the oven. Yuuko-san had suggested Western-style roast, and while he protested at it having to be _her _choice he went about it all the same because she had that look in her eye that strongly proposed bad things to come if he refused.

How those bad things involved roast, he didn't know. What he did know, is that Yuuko-san always found a way.

His small apartment began to fill with sound. The rhythmic ticking of the clock, the sound of paper as Doumeki placidly flicked through Watanuki's only magazine, the hum of the oven, the whistle of the kettle, the sound of the knife against the chopping board…

Watanuki set his knife down. Looked at the clock. Yuuko-san and Himawari-Can were half an hour late.

And then, suddenly there was a voice in his ear. Not the sort of voice that usually gave him advice, or warning, like the voice that told him to Get The Hell Out when Yuuko-san got that look in her eye, or the one that told him to Stop Talking when Doumeki got that look in his. This one was deep, bored, and way too close for comfort.

"What are you cooking?"

Watanuki, shrieked, spun, and nearly took out Doumeki's eye with a spatula.

"HEY – YOU – Don't _do _that! Get out of my kitchen! This is sacred space!"

"Huh." Doumeki commented, leaning to the side. "Lamb? Western-style?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY." Watanuki snapped, with very little sincerity, but he was still very forceful when he shoved Doumeki out of the kitchenette.

"I finished my magazine." The Big Oaf drawled, and he was probably doing it on purpose, leaning all his weight on Watanuki's insisting hands, just to be annoying because he _was_.

"MY magazine," The cook snapped petulantly. "And so what? Go for a walk and leave me in peace until Yuuko-san – scratch that she never gives me peace – HIMAWARI-CHAN gets here."

Doumeki stopped, leant more of his weight back against Watanuki, and looked obviously at the clock. Watanuki puffed out his cheeks. If Doumeki so much as _thought _about saying it –

"I don't think they're coming."

The archer stood properly, straightened. He looked at the clock. He looked at Watanuki. A few moments passed as Watanuki struggled to keep his composure under his overwhelming feeling of loathing and _that crazy witch is so damn obvious what is _wrong _with her-_

Doumeki raised an eyebrow. Watanuki twitched.

He dived for the phone.

***

"_Ah-! Watanuki-kun! How is your dinner date – oh don't make a fuss Watanuki, after all the hard work you put into preparing him such a nice meal, of _course _it's a dinner date! What? Why, I don't recall saying I'd be there. Himawari-chan? Don't you remember? She made plans to go camping this weekend! Oh Watanuki calm down I can't possibly come over now, do you know how late it is? A beautiful woman like myself must keep her beauty sleep! Anyway, you might want to get back to the lamb, I think your sauce is burning. Have fun now!"_

***

"I like Western-style roast." Doumeki said helpfully, once the phone had become well acquainted with the wall.

"_Of course you do_." Watanuki seethed.

***

All in all, the meal was a big success.

Except for the company, that is.

Five minutes into the roast lamb and vegetables, Watanuki began poking at his food morosely, radiating discomfort. Doumeki apparently was a vacuum cleaner in his past life and had inhaled three quarters of his meal already. Watanuki set his fork down, meal practically untouched. He stared at the clock.

"Who are you waiting for?" The archer asked, stealing one of Watanuki's potatoes.

"No-one. Shut up." He turned back to his plate and halted, frowning.

"You stole a potato."

"You can't prove anything."

And he couldn't, really. The potato had apparently disappeared along with the rest of the contents of Doumeki's plate. The archer could put on a deceptively innocent expression when he wanted to. Sighing, Watanuki gave up and looked back at the clock.

"Stop doing that, it's weird."

"YOU'RE weird." Watanuki replied half-heartedly. "And I'm old." His head sunk onto his arms, and he imitated melting onto his kitchen counter.

"Not that old." And suddenly there was a custard tart in front of him. It was only small, small enough for four pieces. So maybe Doumeki had been expecting Yuuko-san and Himawari-chan to be there as well, not like Watanuki could forgive him for that at least. Watanuki watched with numb surprise as Doumeki cut out a quarter and held it out.

"You shouldn't have to make dessert on your own birthday, anyway." He said.

Watanuki stopped looking at the clock.

***

Yuuko sighed happily, reclining in a hammock as it swung lazily beneath the stars.

"I love nights like these." She said loudly. "Perfect weather for Western-style roast."

"And custard tart." Himawari added, bringing over a plate for her.

***

"I'll bring some more magazines next time." Doumeki said, slipping on his shoes. "Thanks for the meal."

"…It's ok." Watanuki shrugged, scrubbing at the immaculate counter-top. "Thanks for helping clean up."

Doumeki cleared his throat and the seer turned, sighing, only to pause when a badly wrapped box was left in the entranceway.

"Happy Birthday." Doumeki said.

"Thanks." Watanuki said.

The door made an oddly loud noise as it shut behind him.

***

"Happy Birthday Watanuki-kun!" Yuuko shouted, just a little drunk as Mokona poured her a new glass. Somewhere in the maze that was her house, a clock chimed, and the moon hit the sakura petals just right.

**FIN**


End file.
